Master of the House
(Or, “I Remember It
Still to This Day”
1) from Les Misérables
Song parody by Brian Martin, annotated by Andrew
Welcome, my friends
Lend me your ears
Let us return
Some forty-three years.
As we recall
That historical day
A baby was born
On the shore of the Tay 2.
But life in Old Dundee
Proved to be so brief
He soon exchanged the thistle
For the maple leaf.
Toddler in the house
The world had best beware
Talent showers down
From such a classy pair.
Singer for a Mom 3
Actor for a Dad 4
Heritage like that
You know, it ain’t half bad.
One fist grasping a viola
Stage sword in the other hand
Only Act One of the performance
The universe has planned.
Took leave of the house
Bidding his adieu
Hopped aboard a train
Intent for Waterloo 5.
Wouldn’t spend his hours
Drinkin’ at the pub
Instead his time was wasted
With the Outers Club 6.
He says, his father thinks that he’s in med
school
His patients, they had best be soused
Better have a proctor
For this budding doctor in the house!
Scholar, he was not
What happened next?
Footnotes: 1 "I remember ... day"
- In 1983, Andrew met Alex McGovern in a university musical, and they ended up
sharing a 2-bedroom apartment (before Brian moved-in and eventually married
her). When Alex turned 40, Andrew wrote his own song parody for her, based
on a song that he used to back up Brian on ("Country and Western Supersong").
"I remember it still to this day" was an oft-repeated line from that parody.
(Ironically, Andrew had forgotten this until Brian pointed it out.) 2 "Shore of the Tay" -
Andrew was born in
Dundee, Scotland (on the Tay River) in 1962, but he was only there a few
months before the family came to North America to stay. 3 "Singer for a Mom" -
Elvira Gonnella, retired professor of voice in Dalhousie University's Faculty of
Music (small web presence); see
bio or
award in honour of. 4 "Actor for a Dad"
- J. Philip Welch is a retired clinical geneticist, but for many years
maintained a successful hobby as an actor and director. Again a small web
presence; see
CAUT work or
autism research. 5 "Waterloo" -
Andrew attended the
University of Waterloo
as an Honours Co-op student in the Faculty of Mathematics. Original lyrics
were "hopped aboard a plane", but in fact Andrew took the train from his
childhood home in Halifax. 6 "Outers Club" -
A University of Waterloo club for those interested in outdoor recreation.
Andrew joined with Alex McGovern, the parodist's wife-to-be. 7 "FASS" -
The U. of Waterloo annual musical. The name is an acronym for Faculty,
Administration, Staff, and Students. Andrew directed
FASS 1984. 8 "Spam ... Spock" -
All roles Andrew played in separate years of FASS productions. 9 "choicest Herb"
- This "flavourful food allusion" refers to a character in Godspell, named Herb,
played by Andrew. Brian, Alex, and Andrew all appeared in the same notable Godspell
production, driected by none other than Rev. John McTavish, who
officiated at Alex and Brian's wedding (with Andrew as best man), and also at our
own. John often refers to the portrayal as his favourite Herb - and he has
seen a lot! 10 "Caduceus" -
Andrew created Caduceus Medical Software in 1984, which was renamed
Caduceus Consulting in later years. 11 "Flemingdon" -
Flemingdon Medical Laboratories, Andrew's longest full-time
employer. 12 "AIM" -
Artificial Intelligence in Medicine, an
off-shoot of Flemingdon where Andrew served on the board and as Software
Manager. (Ian Chaprin was hired by Andrew as General Manager.) 13 "Thespis" -
The Greek god of Theatre. Also the name of a long-lost Gilbert and
Sullivan operetta for which Andrew played the title role in it's
Canadian premiere. 14 "Elephant
Man" - The stage role of which Andrew is most
proud, and one which required some significant facial contortions. (Note
the play on "an elephant never forgets".) 15 "Intellact" -
The new name of Andrew's consulting
business. 16 "Lonely ... face" -
For several years, Andrew has supported software for
Lavelle Industries, a
rubber manufacturer in Burlington Wisconsin. He has also summited a
variety of mountains in Nepal and Africa, including Imja Tse and Kilimanjaro.
These two lines are also a throwback to another song parody that Brian wrote
when Andrew had a major party in 1999 to announce a major career switch
(computers to experiential training), burn his mortgage, and depart for his trip
to Africa. 17 "Virtual Space" -
A conference format adopted by Andrew for the
Canadian Experiential Education Practitioners Symposium, that he created 4
years ago. 18 "Ian" -
Ian Chaprin, Andrew's best man. When not his tenant, Ian has formerly (and formally) been
(in the last 25 years) his director, general manager, co-facilitator, advisor,
improv teammate, teacher, fellow actor, and much more. 19 "Bloody cat"
- When living with Andrew at 5 Selkirk Street, Ian slowly worked a local stray,
"Sven", into the house. Andrew still asks after the cat. 20 "Elswyth" -
Brian wanted to pass on his thanks to the bride for providing him the
opportunity to create an internal rhyme with such an interesting name (as in, "bells,
with Elswyth". The name
is actually an old English form of Elizabeth, inspired by the author Elswyth
Thane. (It is unique enough that she can have a hotmail account with just
her first name. How many people can do that?!) 21 "Wildly blows the
wind" -
Elswyth and Andrew have christened their new home "Aanimad", which is an
Ojibwe
word meaning "where the wind blows wildly". They have also installed a
wind turbine, which should be producing power by the Fall of 2005. 22 "Toilet must be
moved" -
Indeed, the basement bathroom was installed mere days before the wedding, and
yes, the toilet had to be moved. 23 "Spiral staircase" -
Currently running from their master bedroom to the basement, Andrew and Elswyth
have long 'debated' its merits and pitfalls. 24 "On time" -
Alas, there is a 'Welch gene' that reduces the propensity for punctuality.
With all of the pre-nuptial preparations (as his excuse) a last-minute hair trim
meant that Andrew was 30 minutes late for the rehearsal at the church.
However, as he pointed out at the time: "I've been known to be late for the
occasional rehearsal, but I've never been late for a performance." 25 "Class" -
A reference to the "classy pair" in verse 2.
Quick to miss a class
Soon distracted by
The many charms of
FASS 7.
Up there on the stage
He knew how to rock
Spam Sade, Marvin Gardens
Mister Spock 8.
Everybody's choice director
Everybody's choicest Herb 9
You need a comic star
Look no farther, his talents are superb!
Caduceus 10 called
Flemingdon 11 had
His system installed.
So taking AIM 12
At the medical field
The doctor-to-be
Was finally revealed.
But that greasepaint smell
Would not set him free
A trodder of the boards
He was born to be.
Master of the house
Favourite of the crowd
His destiny is surely
To make Thespis 13 proud.
A versatile voice
At the microphone
This character commands
A lovely baritone.
Writes a killer murder mystery
Improvisation is no sweat
A mastery of the face no Elephant Man
14
Would soon forget.
Still, it’s not enough
A world so compact
For a guy with such
A towering Intellact 15.
Every other day
Wears another hat
Filling up his calendar
With this and that.
Lonely evenings in Wisconsin 16
He’d rather scale a mountain face
An experiential trainer
Nothing could be plainer
He’s saner in his Virtual Space! 17
Owner of a house
Nice Toronto flat
Shared the place with Ian 18
And the bloody cat 19.
Women that he met
Emoting on his stage
The span of his attention
They could not engage.
Looking for a boon companion
To provide the life of love he craved
Ring out the wedding bells
With Elswyth 20, our golden boy is saved!
She used to dream
That she would land a prince
Now God Almighty says
“He finally took my hints.”
Now they’ve bought a house
Where wildly blows the wind 21
Needs a bit of work
But they are disciplined.
The toilet must be moved 22
He says it will be fine
To Andrew, this is just
Another set design.
Ripping out the spiral staircase 23
Though this job’s not Mickey Mouse
Her faith will not diminish
Some day they’ll be finishing the house!
Master of the house
Must be in his prime
My God, the bugger made it
To the church on time
24.
Elswyth, he’s a catch
Enjoy him to the end
I cherish our connection
He’s a life-long friend.
Everybody bless the master
Everybody bless her spouse
Everybody raise a glass
Another couple blessed with class
25
Everybody raise a glass to the masters of the
house!